Sunday, November 29, 2009

My highlight

We had a highly anticipated trip to Colorado to visit family for Thanksgiving. The kids were so excited and Patric & I were anxious to get away for a week. I was a bit unsure how it would all go. I was excited, but dreaded it, too. Making memories always hurts these days. Everything is such a mix of emotions. My family is the most important thing in my life to me. And that includes my extended family and their families, too. But since Chase died, getting together with family is a screaming reminder (but then again, I have that every day of my life) of my missing child. I see my nieces and nephews and my heart aches because Chase should be there with them. I think about him crawling around on the floor, about the toddlers and older cousins fighting to hold him, about his siblings showing him off, about how my arms should not be so available....and empty.
I was sad, as expected. But I think I did okay. I cherish the time with my sisters. I laughed. I cried. I laughed harder than I have since before Chase died. And I cried harder than I have in several months. It was an emotional time, a sad time, but it was a wonderful time.
The highlight of my weekend, though, was when all the cousins said one thing they were thankful for. Hearing Chase's name come from their tiny mouths melted me. It made me realize that they miss him, too. That we all wish he was here sharing these moments with us. And it hurt so incredibly bad. But it also felt so heartwarming and proud. I am so lucky for my caring and supportive family. Thank you for loving me.


  1. I am so glad they remembered Chase!!! That is so sweet and so special! hugs!

  2. It's so nice they remembered him. I'm glad you have a good highlight of the family time.
    Prayers and {{HUGS}}

  3. I bet that did warm your heart to hear them speak Chase's name as something they were thankful for.

  4. I understand what you mean about how making memories always hurts these days. That is wonderful everyone remembered Chase and Thanksgiving! Sounds like you have an incredible family. xo

  5. Beautiful...the innocence of children is so heart warming. *hugs*

  6. What a wonderful thing to hear...that they are thankful for your Chase too. xx

  7. You are so lucky to have such a supportive family. I so wish that I had that. Glad that you made it through another first. I know that it was good when I checked that one off my list and only hope that you feel the same.


  8. Loving you is easy...well most of the time :)

    Seeing your heart break and your world crumble...I'm supposed to protect you from that. I'm so sorry I can't lead the way this time. I am, however, forever amazed by the babyloss mamas that are in this abyss with you and eternally grateful that you have found such friendships to help you in ways that I cannot. I know you are helping these women just as much. I love you and I'm so proud of you.