Needless to say, perspective changed in college....and then again after college....and then again when I got married.....and yet again when we had children.
And yet again.
What is important is so very clear to me right now. I used to drive by convenience stores and see the $170million jackpot sign and wonder what I would do if I won the lottery. I saw that sign today and I actually thought to myself, "I could care less about 170 million right now. It doesn't bring Chase back."
My sister emailed me this morning with a very upset email about an irate neighbor that is acting like an idiot and she is beyond frustration, very angry, very....well, to the point of exploding and I know how she feels. I've been there. I've been so upset by the actions of other people that I can't get it off of my mind. But that anger does nothing for me. I could care less what other people think, say or do about me right now. It doesn't have anything to do with, nor will it bring Chase back.
I have a perspective on life right now, that is so clear, I know I will never be the same. I know what I have, I know what I need and I know what it takes (for me) to be happy. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'll have pure happiness again, but I can be happy with my life. I am sad right now too, but I am happy with the things that matter. As I said in an earlier post, if I had Chase right now, I would be the most happiest girl in the world, I'd have everything I'd ever want.........but I wouldn't have the perspective I have right now. I would love and take care of my children with the greatest of my ability, but I don't know that I would not let the things bother me that shouldn't. Thank you, Chase Allen, for giving me that perspective. You have changed me, forever, son. I love you and miss you.