Thursday, May 26, 2011

Reese's kgartn Grad day!

Reese graduated from kindergarten today.  I held together better than I expected, though I did not look forward to this day.  My baby boy, as I will always refer to him, is growing up.  He's a school kid now....and always will be.

But I know he will always find me in the crowd.  He's singing "Skiddamarink-a-dink-a-dink, skiddamarink-a-do, I love you" in this picture.  And he's pointing to his mama!

I love you sweet boy.  Forever and always, my baby boy!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

"Cherished" from Midnight Orange

A year and a half ago I came upon Midnight Orange from my fellow BLM circle and found her sculptures so very touching.  I knew I wanted to order something from her....I just didn't know what exactly.  Then she went in a hiatus from etsy for a while and I kept in touch with her and told her I wanted one some day.  I just didn't know which one and when I would decide.  She emailed me back and said that was okay--just let her know when I was ready.

When I brought home Owen I went through so many emotions with having him in my arms and loving him so much....yet missing Chase so badly.  I had such a strong conflict in my heart and I thought of D Antonia and knew that this was the strongest emotion I had so far on this journey I am on and I wanted a piece to reflect this.  I found her on facebook and started working with her.  She sent me a couple links to see which one I connected with most and I was so touched.  The emotion I felt when I saw what she created just poured out.  D Antonia is so sweet and wonderful.  I received her box last week and opened it to find this.  

I put her on my collage box from Francesca to take this picture.  I ordered the box from her a coupe weeks and it took my breath away when I opened it.  Both pieces are so very dear to me.  A reminder of these friends I have met because of Chase.  And each tells a story to me.  Of what I have endured.  Where I came from and where I am headed.  And I think it is all going to be okay.  My broken heart has a beautiful bandaid on it.  And I am forever grateful for this.

Life is a highway....

and we're going 85 miles an hour.....or so it feels like it!  It's been a while since I posted and so much is going on in our lives right now.  I can't (because I don't have time!) get into it all right now, but I need to write about a couple things that have really been about this journey I've been on these last two years. 

We had the motorcycle rally last week so that's where I've been physically and right now I'm (supposed to be) working on the wrap up from the event.  Everything went pretty well.  I accomplished the things I needed to with work and the show went well overall.  This is all good for our family.  This event is our livelihood and it allows me to stay home with the kids and allows Patric to spend as much time as he can at home--something that he wouldn't be able to do working a full-time job for an employer.  

This event has also been part of our journey.  Two years ago, we were in a lot of pain from losing Chase, yet "the show must go on" as they say and we had to work this event less than a month out from our loss.  I had to face a lot of people at a time when all I really wanted to do was crawl in a hole and be unnoticed, untouched, and left alone.   Not a lot of kids come to our rallies, but more than you would think since we have a "family friendly" atmosphere going each baby that was carried in caused my broken heart to ache even more.  Last year, not much was different.  The pain of our loss was maybe not quite as sharp, but the dull ache was there...only to be sharpened with each 1-year-old I saw come into the show.  

This year was different.

I had Owen with me for part of the my arms were, for the first time in a long time, not empty.  My heart.....was a little fuller.  Actually, a lot fuller.  I had a smile back on my face again.  Every baby that was carried into the show made me think of Owen this time.  And I thought of when I would get to hold Owen again.  And I could smile.  Because I had something to smile about....inside and outside.    And I was thankful for this.  I thanked Owen.  I thanked Chase.  And I thanked God.   Every 2-year-old, this time, I pictured Chase in my mind at that age, too.  And it didn't hurt quite so bad this time.   I have Chase in my heart....and nothing will ever take that away.  But this year I can hold Owen in my arms.  And the hurt just doesn't hurt like it used to.  I am thankful for this.  My family is so blessed.   I love you sweet boy.  I love you so, so much.

Big sis taking care of little bro.

My piece from Midnight Orange. Something I have been thinking about for over a year. When I brought home Owen, I knew exactly what I wanted (almost). D Antonia was so wonderful to work with. I am so thankful to know her.