Monday, July 12, 2010

Lurking reminders

I dropped off clothes today at the cleaners--I don't do this very often.  However today, the clerk was happy to see me.  ???  I don't even know you.  When I gave him my name, he said he had something for me to pick up and did not have a current phone number for me.  He said that I had a jacket of Patric's that had been there since May 2009.

My look of bewilderment was immediately replaced with a quick reminder of the emptiness in my heart.  All I could think was, "of course, our world had come crashing down on us in April and and it was all very fresh then."  It didn't surprise me one bit that we had forgotten about that jacket.

It's these kinds of reminders that I always wonder if there are still more out there.  What else did we lose when we lost a piece of our hearts?

Tuesday, July 6, 2010


I am learning as I get older that life happens....there is nothing you can do about it.  You can't slow it down, you can't stop it, you just roll with the punches and deal with it.  And hopefully enjoy it, too.

As if Karly's accident wasn't enough, which has healed beautifully btw, I rear-ended someone last week in my SUV.  We were all fine, no one was hurt, but I did enough damage to the car that I'm dealing with insurance agents, rental car companies and body shop repair.  We are also moving along on the law suit finally so there's enough emotional stress involved with that to take it's toll.  And as the summer keeps flying by, I am getting trying to make schooling decisions so I'll have enough time to order books if I need to.  

And in the middle of all this, I miss Chase badly.

So those are the top stressors in my life right now.  There are more, I just don't feel like writing about all my sob stories right now.  But since I have realized I can't control what life deals me, I am rolling with the punches.  They are not all fun and sometimes it is exhausting.  But I won't give up.  I'll get back on my feet and get through it.  Because time keeps traveling and the only thing worse than getting through tough times is dwelling in how much time has been lost.  When I look at the last 4 years of my life, I am floored at how things have changed.  And the majority of my changes have been since Chase died.  I had my life mapped out quite differently than the way things happened, but unfortunately things that I have no control over dictate my journey.  It doesn't mean I still can't win the race, just that I will have to take a detour to get there.  And the detour--the detour is nothing I would trade.  Because sometimes it's the detour itself that teaches us the most about who we are and what we are capable of.
Note:  Though I am vague in the metaphor, I am literally talking about races.  I have enjoyed running the last 10 years of my life and had taken "time out" to have our last baby and anticipated a quick return to my hobby.  But when our last baby was Chase, and he was taken from us, my goals were shifted a bit.  I miss my training but am also dedicated to my family and our needs.  TTC does not lend itself well to the kind of training I would really like to do.  But I also know that I am still fully capable of the physical demands and that I will get back to where I want to be....all in good time.