Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Six Months

Sweet little Chase,
Today you would be with us for 6 months. You would be probably sitting up, rolling over, cooing, laughing, telling us what you think of this world. Since you are not here to do that, let me tell you what I think about this place where we are.

It's a sad place. Because you are not here. We talk about you and wonder what you would look like, who you would take after, what your personality would be and it's so hard not to be sad when thinking about what should be.

But it is also a wonderful place. Because even though all we have of you is our memory, our blankets, little memoirs, we still have you. You are in our hearts. You are in what we do every day. You have shaped us, since you were in my tummy, while you were with us for 4 days, and in these six months since, you have shaped us into who we are. We are a million times more compassionate because of you. We are a trillion times more real because you were real. We are stronger because of the fight you gave us. And we love each other like this is our last day, because we know how important that is, because of you.
It's a dark place, this world, when you hurt like we do, knowing we will have this feeling the rest of our lives. But it is a beautiful place because when we see the miracles on this earth in all their beauty, we know that is you. You are in it somehow. And we think of you.
It's a confusing place to live. There is so much we don't understand. But we don't know if it's worth trying to figure everything out. There are some things that we know we will never fully understand. But we have love. We have each other. And we know that we have you, though we cannot feel you, touch you, smell you, or see you, we can close our eyes and see you and sense your love all around us.
We miss you buddy. You are Reese's Maverick. You are your sisters' baby brother. You are our sweet littleman. We miss you more than words can say. We love you more than this world can ever comprehend. And one day, we will be together again, one day far, far away. I love you. A thousand kisses to you sweet boy. Mommy misses you and thinks of you with every breathe I take. Waiting for our dream meeting....


  1. Wow. I just started reading your blog and this post is beautiful. I lost my son, stillborn, on July 2, 2009. He was 36 weeks. I feel everything you were able to write.

  2. Thinking of you and Chase today as you remember him after 6 months. It's amazing how their brief time here on earth can change our lives.

  3. My heart feels so connected with yours. We have so much in common: helping our other kids deal with the pain, keeping life moving for our other kids, dealing with a medical mistake, trying to appreciate what we have. I'm sad that we're on a similar journey but I do find it helpful. My daughter was exactly 9 1/2 when Nate was here and then died. I wish that she wasn't old enough to feel this pain. It makes me sad.


  4. Happy 6 months sweet Chase. Christy I am so sorry he is not here with you. I feel your pain. However, you have such a positive attitude which I know helps to keep Chase's spirit alive. xx

  5. Happy 6 month birthday little man. You are SO loved and SO missed. Christy, I feel your pain right along with you. I wish you didn't know this pain and heartache. So many *hugs* today.

  6. Absolutely beautiful!!! I swear I wrote such similar words to my son when he had been gone six months- such milestones really! Your words are a comfort to many- thinking of you on this milestone and the ones to come.
    Huge Hugs!

  7. Happy 6 Months, sweet baby boy. <3
    With my eyes filled with tears, I can only say that this post is simply beautiful.

  8. Happy 6 mths Chase- you sweet boy.
    Wish I was hearing about all that crawling and talking you were doing.

    It is a sad and wonderful place Christy...thinking of you today and many other days too xx

  9. My heart is heavy with your sorrow. I am so sorry. I will continue to pray for your comfort. ((HUGS))

  10. You have been on my minds. We love you all!