Thursday, July 30, 2009

Return to Monjeau Mountain

We visited Monjeau last week while my sister was in town. It wasn't the first time I had been back since saying goodbye to Chase but it was a particularly beautiful day. My thoughts are completely consumed by him, so to be back up on this mountain, I was missing him. There are tons of photo ops up here but we had to be very careful with the kiddos. The view is breathtaking, one of my favorite places on earth.

This is our tree Patric carved for Chase. Thirteen years ago, Patric carved PP+CW=*heart* somewhere up here (we can't find it amongst the hundreds of carved aspens). Little then did I know what would be in store for us on this mountain. A place we once visited for perspective, peace, tranquility, reflection, I now return to talk to my son. To tell him how much we miss him, how much we love him. Sometimes I feel like I am on this journey for the ride. I don't understand it, I can't explain it. I try not to fall off and certainly try not to go too fast. Where it takes me I never know. But I am on it. I am not alone though at times I wish I was and sometimes I feel like I am. I have more love in my heart than I ever thought I could bear. Some of it is a burden because it makes me sad, but it is what keeps me going. I feel like this mountain is a part of me, a part of us, more than ever before. I hope it remains in our family and we keep coming back...for years to come. Because up here is where I know I am never alone.

1 comment:

  1. oh, i do think i understand that feeling of being along for the ride. i feel the same way too. i never knew i could feel such unabashed love after joining this baby loss club.

    thank you SO much for your kind comments on my blog. i felt understood.