Are you smarter than a 5th grader...

I woke up feeling off today.  Not like anything is wrong, health-wise at least, just off key.  Out of balance.  Not balance like I have too much of one thing to do and not enough of another thing....out of balance....with the universe, or something like that.  I was a little concerned feeling this way, and then we had my 5th grader's literature assignment.

She read a little story by Leo Tolstoy, a Russian author for those of you who have ever heard of him, of works like War and Peace.  It's called The Three Questions and is about this king who is looking for someone to answer three questions for him:  1) Who is most important person to you? 2) When is the right time to do something? and 3) What is the most important thing to do?  

Wow, when I read that, I thought, "man, could that be any more precise than if I wrote them myself?"  I/we have been struggling with #2 & #3 pretty adamantly lately.  When raising a family, these are very common questions we as parents ask.  And if we knew the answer....if we only knew the answer.  

Well the king was determined to find the answers.  And when he didn't get them from his people, he left to seek out an old wise man to help him.  (This was too familiar and freaky to me because feeling so off-kilter this morning I had a passing thought while I was eating breakfast that maybe I should talk to a psychic.)  He took off his cloak and his crown and left them at his horse and walked up to the hut of an old hermit.  This wise old hermit was busy digging holes in his garden and would not answer his questions, though, so the king took the shovel and began digging for him.  He finished digging the holes and then asked the questions of the hermit again and no answer.  Then a man came running at them with blood coming from his chest and his hand covering a wound and the king stopped the bleeding and took care of the man until he fell asleep.  The king himself was so tired he, too fell asleep. 

The next day the injured man woke up and told the king to forgive him but the king had nothing to forgive him for.  Turns out the man had set out to kill the king because his brother had been killed and he could no longer afford the taxes so he had followed the king into the forest but got caught instead by some knights who attacked him.  The king, however, this deed unbeknownst to him, took care of him and saved his life. 

So the king then asks the hermit again why he won't answer his questions and the hermit tells him that the king has answered the questions himself already.

I'll skip a short explanation here and end the story with the last paragraph:

"Remember then: there is only one important time---Now.  It is important because it is the only time when we are masters of ourselves.  And the most important man is he with whom you are, for no one can know whether or not he will ever have dealings with any other man.  And the most important thing to do is to do good to him, since it is for that purpose alone that man was sent into his life."

 Somehow this story put some balance back into me.  I can hardly explain it, but having this discussion with my daughters about what this story means to me, at my ripe old age, helped me teach a lesson to them that I really felt was meant for me.  And hearing them repeat the lesson to me in their own words was priceless to me.  Now to grasp this is a whole new level of learning.  Because I never thought I'd be searching for these answers at this point in my life.  But I know that what matters is the present time.  And whether we are by ourselves or with someone, we must give that person our best of who we are because we never know if we'll get another moment with them or ever meet them again or what their story is.  It's not everyday that I wake up excited to teach homeschool, I'll be honest.  And today was one of them.  But I am so glad I got to be a part of this lesson.  This lesson I will continue to learn, the rest of my life.

Woe is Me

You know, I just don't know. I don't. I just don't see how I can be so extremely happy with my life, my family, the people whom I surround myself with and then so insanely insane, at the same time. I mean, I keep going through this metamorphosing thing with homeschool. I'm changing, my kids are changing, we are all going through these phases as we are all still getting the hang of it and of each other. But it's all good. I mean, I'm at a place now, this week, this day, where I feel so incredibly lucky to be able to do this with my kids. It is the coolest thing ever. I see my kids in a way that I never would have if I hadn't started homeschooling. I interact with them differently, I get to see the light come on in their eyes when they learn something, I get to see them want to do better when they botched a test, I get to tease them about having the absolute coolest teacher in the world and then watch them laugh when they see I'm making a joke. But they tell me, you are mom.

The way this experience has changed our relationships has been so rewarding, too. I feel like they are truly my buds. My confidants. My playmates. My guinea pigs! Because if something doesn't work, we try something new or get a new lesson. But don't get the wrong picture here. Trust me--I'm also a bitch. I'm a nagging, "pick up your stuff", sarcastic, always using reverse psychology mean mom that gets tired and cranky and yells. Well, not so much yells as just nags a lot. I know I do it. But I talk to them like adults about why I do that and how I hate being that way and if they would just..... But you know this new "relationship" that we have developed or bond we have made through homeschooling, has given me a better sense of where I stand with them and where they stand with me. That unconditional thing that your kids have for you--it's priceless. I mean, the fact that you have to be their parent while you are being their "buddy" at the same time can just ruin it sometimes. My kids know what we're doing, why we're doing it and what the alternatives are. They know that they are old enough to make choices on their own and are also old enough to endure the consequences. If I got a dime for every threat I made I would have been rich after the first month of school. My bark is definitely worse than my bite and therefore I bark a lot. That's my biggest downfall. They sense that, too, but somehow, I think they know my limits. Starting back up after Christmas was as much to my dismay as theirs but we do what we have to do. And this week has been the best week of my "homeschool" life. Class has been so much more productive and successful with Karly than it has ever been, I guess the break was for a reason. Emma had 3 tests this week and hardly skipped a beat being out for nearly three whole weeks. They make me proud. And being their teacher, I know proud in a whole new perspective. Each time Karly recites a "special sound" or math fact that she pretends not to know, I feel a little victory. And whenever Emma completes a test in Math or History and I have to look up the teacher's book answers to tell her why I'm right, I know she's on the right track, too.

Now the insane part, right? These same angels that give me so much pleasure and so much love, also subconciously know what it takes to push me to the edge. No, I don't think it's at the top of their list every day to do these things, but when it turns 5 o'clock (or 1 o'clock, or hell, even 8 o'clock a.m.) and I'm in one of my nagging, "pick up your stuff" modes and their dad--my husband, my best friend, my soul mate--walks in and says "Man, you're nagging ALL the time at them. Whatever you're doing, it's not working. You're doing something wrong and you need to figure it out," I go insane. Those words, reverberating in my head. How do you know? Now don't get me wrong. I'm all for checks and balances in the whole parenting thing and I feel like that's how we are there for each other. If I'm all over one kid and ignoring the other and I am not aware of that, I need you to tell me those observations. We get so caught up in this thing called life some times that it's nice to have your significant other there to point out the obvious when needed.

But this was a little too much. I mean, you aren't with us 24 hours a day, practically in each others' space. You don't see all our ups and downs and how we make it up to each other. I get more hugs and kisses in a day now that I'm homeschooling than I would have in a month of sending them to school. I get them in the middle of Language class, during a spelling test, after Math is over, before science starts, AND when they wake up in the morning, before they "go to school", at lunch with them, before they go to swim practice in the afternoon, when they get home from swim practice, after supper and before bed. Do you? And that's before and after all that nagging you just heard and criticized me for doing. Now don't even get me started on the fact that pregnancy hormones are running wild in this 6 months along body and all the stress that comes with managing a household when the economy has stricken and no funds are available on which to manage! And have I ever told you that you suck at what you're doing? No, because I wouldn't. You may have been specifically talking about some nagging piece of laundry I said to pick up, but what I heard was this whole job of not only raising the kids, running the household (which you have also told me I suck at) but also and more importantly TEACHING them. You're doubts about homeschooling, though you 100% supported the idea when we made our decision, are constantly protruding. "Just send 'em to school then" when I'm yelling and frustrated and in tears because of a school day. That's not the support I need. And frankly, that's just not support.

I could not be happier with my life. I have a great husband whom I am attracted to and in love with, three amazing kids and a belly full of kicks and punches right now constantly reminding me I will have one more being to love as much as I do the rest of them in about 2 1/2 months. (Is that all?) But I also feel like I'm crazy sometimes. I don't know if I'm not handling it well, if I think I'm doing a good job and I'm not, if I think I'm prepared but I'm not, or what. But what I do know is that even amidst these daily arguments or nagging episodes or apparent negativity, I am getting all I need in the human love factor. And I couldn't imagine it any other way.

Back to School

Well, all things considered, and maybe my new year's resolution of having more patience during school is helping, today actually went pretty smooth. Hoping to get done by noon, we finished about 1:30 or so but got everything done we needed to and I felt the girls were pretty much immediately back on track without skipping a beat. I think Karly forgot to be her usual pain in the butt self during school and her personality was, for the most part, very easy today. No real obvious defiances. She got a little tired but stayed on task very well considering the break and remembered where we left off. The break definitely helped her out. Emma, as usual, did very well. Struggling with place value a little bit, but she's such a smart kid. Every teacher's dream. I only hope and pray that I am not inhibiting or, should I say, holding her back by not doing what she needs to keep her creativity. She loves to read and she's a great writer but she isn't as long-winded as she used to be when we first started. That's pretty easy to work on, as long as she's interested. Of course Reese had to participate, too, since I wouldn't let him watch Cars. He worked on his school books, played blocks and worked with Karly on fractions, answering questions as he saw fit. We actually got to Science today and they all enjoyed that.

Not a bad day. I actually got in the shower by 4:30pm, quick workout as the kids went to swim. I have a phone interview tomorrow to start back working and am anticipating a job soon. Unless I mistakenly let my apprehension show through for this job, I passed all the tests so far and things look good. I'm just not excited about it. I will definitely like the money, I just wish I could make it doing something else. Who knows, maybe having some of this under my belt this time will make the job easier this time around. I'll hope for the best!

I spent wayyyyy too much time uploading pictures for my slideshow today. Time I could have used uploading them for my photoalbum I'm making on snapfish. So please humor me and take a peak. There are some that poor Reese will sue me for posting when he gets older. But as a mom, how can I help myself. Enjoy.

Last day of Christmas break

It's movie night at the Pearson household. Kid movie, then parent movie (without kids). That's how it works around here. First things first. We choose our battles around here and some things are not worth the fight. That's okay, though. This time it's Narnia. A movie that's not a cartoon. We can usually handle that.

We have Christmas behind us know and it's time to welcome the new year wholeheartedly. I'm getting the buzz for baby things. Figuring out what I have and don't have to prepare for. Of course, as usual, I'm bothered by a huge archive of pictures for 2008 virtually untouched. Photos are taking a back seat these days, however. Then, as though without remorse, school is upon us Monday. For the kids, I must say homeschool has to be a relief. To know they only have 3 1/2 hours of school work and they're done has got to be a good thing. I'm feeling a cloud over my head, but it's not all bad as at least I get to be with them. If they were in school, I probably wouldn't get much done anyway! This forces me to have a schedule. Maybe not my optimal schedule, but one nonetheless. I truly do cherish every day I spend with them. Even at our worst, I wouldn't trade it. They are all my best friends.