Saturday, February 19, 2011

So much love...

Here are a couple pictures I just had to post.  I know I'm biased but Owen is the most beautiful babe in the world (well, tied fifth, anyway--with his brothers & sisters!).  I am breathing him in with every kiss, every whisper, every smell of his sweet skin.  Loving him with my entire being.  And there is no way in the world to do this without, at the same time, thinking about Chase.  Sometimes these are happy thoughts, remembering his smell in the isolette, his soft skin, his feathery hair.  As I was taking this first picture, I was talking to Owen.  And when I talk to him, I'm usually right in his face, my mouth right next to his ear or at his cheek.  Talking, breathing, smelling him all at the same time.  And as I was leaning over the crib, bent down next to his face, I was taken back.  Back to those few days when Chase was the one I was bending over the crib talking to.  I remember talking to him just the same as I talk to Owen now, but he did not respond to me.  I begged, pleaded with him to fight for us because we wanted, needed him with us.  I remember leaning over to him talking to him thinking that I could actually fix him if he just heard my voice, felt my breath, smelled my skin.  That these things would wake him up and he would just all of a sudden open his eyes and look at me, smile at me, cry, something.  Anything.  All he needed was his momma, I thought.  I remembered this as I spoke to Owen and cried.  I asked Owen to tell his brother hi for me and to tell him to come visit me in my dreams soon.  The pain from missing Chase is just as strong now, maybe rekindled a little with Owen's arrival.  But mostly I am thankful.  Thankful to Chase that Owen is here.  And thankful to Owen that I can imagine some things more clearly now about Chase and think of things we missed out on and how wonderful they would have been.


  1. I love the one of you with him.. his little faces just says.. "that's right.. She's with me..." LOVE him.. so cute

  2. Beautiful pics...Beautiful mama with the most beautiful baby boy -- the perfect combination of his two big brothers! How I wish I was still kids can't wait to hold their new cousin :) I have to say, though, that Chase DID respond to you. I remember vividly watching the monitors everytime you and Pat talked to Chase...specifically the brain monitor. He recognized your voices and new without a doubt you were there for him. Like you are for all your kids :)

    I miss you all so much -- but especially Owen :) I still have that feeling of my heart about ready to burst with love for him, but I realize also, how much deeper my love for Chase is. I didn't think it was possible to love him more than I already do, but I can't help but think of his gift of precious Owen without loving him even more.

    Thank you, sweet baby continue to shape our lives...I love you!

  3. the heck do you look so beautiful with just having had a baby and not getting any sleep? Please send your secrets to me:) Owen is amazingly perfect!!!!!

  4. I cannot believe it has been this long since I last checked in...

    He is beautiful, happy birthday, Owen! <3