Chase Your Dreams

I don't know what to say. I'm not back to normal. I'm not sure if I will ever be normal again. A friend says, "the new normal." I guess that is what it will be. I have no interest in perusing the internet as often and carefree as I once did so sitting down to write this is particularly hard. Time on the computer feels suffocating to me. Wasted time in a sense. I'd rather spend that time with my family.

I spent 3 days in the NICU with my son wrapped up in tubes, IVs and leads. At the time, those 3 days seemed like 3 weeks. Days ran into nights, there was no clear end. Or we were hoping for no end. Now almost 2 weeks past, I look back on those 3 days and they seem like 3 blinks of the eye. I can't believe how fast they went. I would give anything to have another moment. To breathe him in one more time, to nuzzle my nose on his forehead, my hair tickling his face, kissing, kissing, kissing him so that he might feel my love more directly. I wish I could have held him more, shared him more, felt him more. And it hurts. I don't know when it will get better.

Patric, though, is right. With every ounce of love I had in store for that little being....I must pour it into my other 3 kids. They need it, they want it and they can always have it. Because I will always have the love to give them. I wish Chase was here with us and I will love him spiritually and emotionally for my sake, but physically, I will love my other 3 blessed angels until my dying day with all my heart. And my husband. With every hug, every look, every kiss, and gentle caress of my face, I will go on. My heart has broken with his, but it also mends with his and continues to beat because of his. Without him, I would not be able to go on. His strength has guided me and driven me to get up and keep going. I love him for who he is and who I am because of him. I am so lucky to have him.

You are a part of us, Chase. You always will be. We will never forget how you touched our lives. Until we meet again......I love you baby boy.

Mommy

Comparisons....for what it's worth!

Pregnant 38 weeks with Emma.

Pregnant 39 weeks with Karly.

Pregnant 38 weeks with Reese.

Pregnant 38 weeks baby #4.

Okay, mom. I KNOW I'm bigger this time, no matter what you say! At least in my head I am and we are seriously looking at this week making this thing happen (with the help of my doctor!). It's been tough, though miraculous and a wonderful, wonderful thing. We are very excited to meet our newest member and mom is exceptionally ready for this event. Appointment on Tuesday. We'll see what happens!

Fishin' With Dad

Getting to spend time with just one kid at a time has seemed so precious......I guess becuase it is starting to feel like we have too dang many kids hangin' around us! And they ALL want time alone with mom and dad. I do think, though, that it is important. Because life is always so hectic, fast-paced and passes us by at the speed of light so it's best to do what you can whenever you can.....even if it isn't planned. Last Saturday the girls went to a movie with a friend and Reese was feeling pretty special not only to get to go fishing with dad, but that mom was actually going to go fishing, too.

He did have a bit of luck and is reeling one in in this photo. Mom enjoyed watching and taking picutres and dad was in charge of getting the fish to bite. We all had a great time and I was reminded of the compassion my little boy is made up of and it most certainly tugged at my heart strings......The breeze got a little chillier and he asked me if I had a jacket for him and I said no, but that he could have my sweatshirt if he wanted it. He turned around and looked at me, surveyed the situation, asked me if I just had short sleeves on under it and said, "no mom, I don't want YOU to be cold". Now please tell me, please, that this part of him will never change....

Reese's Turn!

We have been blessed with some beautiful weather, though today it is windy. Anyway, Reese has been practicing baseball a lot. And when he's not practicing baseball, he's running around kicking the football. I have made myself put my video camera in a very handy place because this little boy is growing up way too fast. For a kid who barely said a handful of words at the age of 2, he sure has made up for it. And there are too many video ops that I have let pass me by. But this weekend I was sure to get this on tape.....for Uncle Mark, who will be helping disect his swing in the near future, for Mr. Patrick, who I know would love to be pitching to him (you wont hurt your arm but you better have quick reflexes!)....for the college scouts in the year 2023....and for me. To never forget my little boy before he grew up...

Today's Science Lesson

We did science today and I thought it might be interesting to show you a typical science class...



The blue bottle is our first experiment....didn't quite work. We were finishing up studying air pressure and today was our first experiment with chemical reactions. What better (and easier on mom) than some old baking soda and vinegar. It did the trick and trying to explain this to the kids is another challenge. Esepcially when Reese always has his 2 cents worth to get in. Take a look.



The commentary by Emma was not prompted at all. I was just trying to get the lesson across. I don't know, do ya think?