Sunday, September 2, 2012

Things I love...

The sound of pitter-patter feet running through the of my favorite sounds in the whole wide word. Of.All.Time.

Telling my 18-month-old rainbow "No" and he says, "peeeeze".  Oh my god.  One of the cutest things EVer.

The sound of blaring music from my teen and pre-teen daughters' rooms and them singing into the mic with all their heart.  Affirms my decision to let them sing at Chase's funeral.  I'll never regret that.

Popping in on my 10-year-old daughter before bed and sittting on her bed while she tells me a story or something about school or just whatever is on her mind.  I love that.

Lying on the floor...on our tummies...looking at a book, or playing a game.  Together.

Smelling a new fragrance and my kids giving their opinions.  Especially in Bath & Body Works or the fabric softener isle of the grocery store.

Maple almond butter.

Sassy looks and surprise faces and eye-rolling.

Picking up my 12-year-old from school and hearing her talk about her day....before her brother and sister join in on the madness when we pick them up.

Owen coming over for me to kiss his boo-boos.

Looking down at his little arms reaching up to me to pick him up.

...That I'm the most important girl in my 7-year-old boy's world right now.

Staying home.

Listening and watching my kids play with each other.

Seeing or hearing or smelling something for the first time with Owen.

...That I am Chase's mommy, too.  And that I can see him running around with these guys, in the middle of our chaos.  Some days I really can.

These are all now.  This is what life is for me right now.  And there are some days that I catch myself and time stops.  Just for a moment.  And I realize that these things won't be my life forever.  And right before I'm ready to yell, "no more running in the house!" I stop and listen and really listen to the sound. Because it's loud and it's obnoxious and I could certainly use some peace and quiet but I know that one day, I'll miss this.  I don't have time for it and there are things I need to get done, but it'll be over soon and I'll wish I had these reasons for not accomplishing simple tasks.  Distractions...I love these distractions and I live in them.  And are they distractions or merely what I am really supposed to be doing.  Because these are way more important than an empty dishwasher or a clean kitchen or folded laundry.

I am very very blessed.  And I love these things...and miss my little boy with eternal heartache as much as I love this life I am living.

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