Christmas morning....

Oh my!  We are ready!  MOre than ready!  Owen is just waking up....which means the house will soon be moving, rustling... crazy!  And I can't wait!  The kids are so excited.  And it is definitely a joint effort.  THey have been monitoring Santa's progress diligently and went to bed as soon as they could get done with all their last minute duties.  Their Christmas cookies for Santa are adorable! 

I can't believe this is the 14th Christmas I have spent with Patric.  The 12th Christmas as a mommy (or soon-to-be mommy!), our first Christmas in Colorado.....and our third Christmas without Chase.  Time certainly travels fast.  The road has been bumpy.  The highs have been pretty high and the lows have been as low as they can get.  This is the first Christmas in 6 years we have been able to make it what we wanted to and even shop for each other!   Because even though money doesn't affect the kids' Christmases, it does ours.  In ways only a parent would understand.  But we've come a long way.....the packages are plentiful.  The tree is lit.  (Soon!) the ham will be in the oven.  The stockings will be animated first, then the presents. We will eat breakfast eventually.  We'll play with our toys.  We'll talk to grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins.   (I have to add this!--We'll even get texts from friends!)  We'll eat our Christmas meal together and play some more, probably watch football and maybe even get a nap in today.  It sounds like a perfect day....and it will be pretty close.  

But the truth is, no matter how happy and perfect any day or any moment in our lives is....it's always got a little bit of sadness hovering over it.   Our hearts, though very, very full, still have a hole in them.  Our third Christmas without Chase.  I can't believe it.  I play in my mind what he would be doing today.  How busy he would be.  Who he looks like.  WHat he would wear, what he would eat, what he would be doing.  I miss him so much.  It hurts...even at the happiest moments.  It's always there...because he isn't.

And that's all I get.  Owen is now awake and tugging at me with a very wet (leaking) diaper.  I need to add that he touched a hot oven yesterday and burnt two fingers pretty bad......just what we needed on Christmas eve.  But I was able to evade the ER after calling the nurse and being reassured that he was just hurting really bad, and, in fact, not going to die.  He seems to be over it now!  Sure didn't help things last night--made things stressful.  But we are headed downstairs. Merry Christmas everyone!