Merry Christmas

I can't believe it's been three weeks since I last posted.  Geez this month went fast.  It was hard to get in the Christmas mood.  But it finally came...and then, low and behold, it's snowing tonight.  I love it.   Probably not much but at least it's white outside.  And cold.  The magic of Christmas....

It's been tough getting in the Christmas spirit also because the ages of the girls.  Karly is pretty challenging right now (like her mom) and Emma has had a hard time with believing in anything, let alone Santa.  The age of doubt.  Doesn't that last for a while, huh?  I tried to do a couple special things for her because of this.  I'm going to write on my blog to her as well about this ...

I started this post a couple hours ago.  I'm going to wrap it up, much shorter than I had anticipated.  I have a letter to write to Chase yet as well.  It's snowing outside.  I think I'm all ready for Christmas.  Truth is, I'll never be ready.  Because it's not what I ever wanted it to be.  In ways, its much more.  in ways, there's still a big hole.  I'll always have someone missing in this picture.  But I know in my heart he is with us; he's here in this room with is on Christmas morning.  And soon, one day, I will hold him in my arms again.  I love and miss you dearly sweet boy.

My Grandma and my aunt at my cousin's wedding this last weekend.

My family

Got some sugar!

It's that time again.  Seems like it comes faster every year.  I really would love to slow time down.  Some days.  Others I enjoy the ride.

One of my favorite times of the year....decorating the Christmas tree.  I love seeing the ornaments as they come out of the boxes.  Finding a place for each one.  Letting the kids do their own ornaments.

One of my least favorite times of the year...decorating Chase's tree.  This is the third time I've done it and it doesn't get easier.  It's painful.  Just as it was the first year.  Maybe not quite that bad.  But not any less than it was last  year.  

It's beautiful.  Just as it is every year.  But what it honors brings tears to my eyes, pain to my heart and brokenness to my soul.  And I can't imagine not having it there.  

We are busy.   School, sports, story time, shopping, and whatever else we can fit in to our day.  I love being in a big city because of the things we get to do.  Like the light parade last weekend.

And fun 5k races.

My girls are growing up and the holidays are fun in a whole new way.  I'm learning every day about parenting and it never ceases to amaze me that I still don't know it all.  Just when I thought it would get easier, it gets harder.   Middle school is hard.  And now I know that from a student and from a mom perspective and appreciate the latter so much more now that I'm here.  Guiding my middle school daughter should be easy but it turns out that some things I don't know the answer to and it is then I must go with my gut....flying by the seat of my pants as usual.  She is amazing and so full of thought.  Too much thought but at her age, how could she know that.   We are both learning right now and I love it.  I hope she's learning how to make mistakes and learn from them and then move on...because I've certainly shown her this.  One thing I know for sure is she's strong.  Stronger than I ever wanted her to be.  But her questions.....her questions are so hard sometimes.  I hope we can find the answers together...

More pictures and events to come before I close this book out.  Hopefully a couple more posts anyway!