Half birthday, milestones and never say never

A few pictures of Owen...

Sitting up...for a few seconds, anyway.

Sucking my thumb.

My half birthday today! 

And the never say never part.  Tonight, with very little time and effort, I turned this.....

into this! 

Sweet potatoes and pears here....also apples, bananas and squash so far!

I never thought I'd be making baby food on my own.  I would have loved to, but didn't expect to ever have the time with my busy life and chaos.  I just "knew" it was a lot of work.  But after stumbling upon an article about making your own baby food and, what caught my eye, adding spices to it, I decided to ask my sister for her babycook processer.   And let's face it, baby food is not cheap.  I was shocked from when I bought baby food last how much the price has gone up.  Anyway, it was amazingly easy, pretty quick, and a great feeling to do this.  I just hope Owen thinks so, too.  We'll find out tomorrow if he likes it.  If so, I have some fun surprises for him!

Same....but different

Some days I still can't believe it.  I can't believe I'm not pregnant anymore....or that I may never be pregnant again--and I'm not sure after the c-section if I ever would go through that again!  Things are so fresh from the memories I have of Chase.  My house was cluttered with food, flowers, toiletries....just like it is now, but last time it was because we had lost our son.  People stopped by, brought dinners, just like last time, but it was because Chase died, this time it's the opposite.  The whole time we were in the hospital....it seemed like such a thin line between where we are currently traveling and where we had been just 22 months ago.  The only difference was that we had a bassinet in our room with a baby in it this time.  I had to pinch myself several times to realize what was happening before me....or to snap myself out of what had happened last time we went down this road.  This time it was just so happy.....last time it was so incredibly painful.   The difference between bringing a baby home and not bringing a baby home......and to know what both sides are like---it's almost surreal in itself.  You are constantly checking yourself, making sure it's not a dream....just like last time.....

I talk to Owen all the time about his brother.  I use him to talk to Chase....send messages to him for me....more directly than I could before Owen was here.  I use Owen to gauge Chase's growth that I couldn't before because I had no frame of reference.  Now, my little frame of reference is staring me right back in the face.  And I can't deny him.  Chase was here so much for me to get through the pregnancy with Owen.  Now Owen is here to help me on my grief cycles with Chase again.  Kinda weird how they "piggyback" on each other....guess that's what brothers do.  I picked up Chase's footprints and held them next to Owen's and guess what?  They were the exact.same.size.  I can't even begin to put into words how I miss my little boy.  Or how much I love my newest little boy.  These two are part of each other.  Just like we all are part of each other.  But these two are connected--extra special.  I can feel it.  I know Owen can feel it.  And I look forward to nurturing that bond as he grows.  It won't be obsessive, or in a negative way.  Just in a loving, guardian angel sort of way.  That we are all protected by Chase in all we do.  

We are so happy--I couldn't be more so about our family.  We are so very full of love.  We have a full house, a full car...I'm not sure what more we could ask for.  Though we miss our little boy more than anything, we are thankful for him.  For the gift he brought us.  For the gift he continues to bring us each and every day.  Welcome little Owen, to a family full of life and love and happiness.  May you share in these with us and continue to teach us more about your brother that we never got to know. 

Owen Chase Pearson

We welcomed our 5th born Friday morning, February 11th at 8:34 am.  More details to come but I just wanted to announce his long awaited arrival and thank everyone for their prayers and well wishes during this rainbow journey.  Each one of us exhaled, so to speak, with Owen's birth.  Here are some pictures.

This event was very emotional for all of us.  I can't begin to tell how excited we are to have Owen home with us and how blessed we feel.  Chase was part of this event in many ways; he protected us, he prepared us, he taught us how to love another one again.  There is sadness in our hearts that Chase could not be a part of this, but yet we know that Owen wouldn't be here if we had Chase.  Knowing this we love Owen with all our hearts.  He is part of our family, just as Chase is.  He will grown with us and he will share with us all the love in our hearts and then some.