Five Minute Friday

I saw this post in BLM bloggers and clicked on it.  So you are given a topic and set your timer for five minutes and blog whatever comes to mind, unrehearsed, unedited, just whatever comes to mind.  This is the first time I've ever done this and the fact that I just happened to come across it today of all days....well, I couldn't NOT do this.  Here's the link:


Here's the topic:  Good-bye.

Three years ago today I thought long and hard about inducing labor as we were so excited to meet you.   

Anxious.  Nervous.  Scared.  Excited.  Fear.  Trauma.  Tragic.  Confusion.  Shock.  Emotions.  In the moment. 

We said hello.  And less than four days later we said good-bye.

I didn't know how to do it.  I didn't know what to say.  I didn't know what to feel.  I didn't know what to do.  I didn't want professional photographers.  I wanted just us.  

I remember holding you.  Finally.  For the first time.  And the last time.  I remember hurting so bad.  But the time wasn't enough.  It would never be enough.  You were in my arms.  And then you weren't.  I was so scared.  I really thought I could make you better.  When all the tubes and the medicine couldn't ... I thought I could.  It wasn't right.  Nothing was right about this moment.  This good-bye.  

That's it.  It was actually seven minutes, sorry.  Not very good. Just what's on my heart at this moment about this topic.  Dreadful.