So much love...

Here are a couple pictures I just had to post.  I know I'm biased but Owen is the most beautiful babe in the world (well, tied fifth, anyway--with his brothers & sisters!).  I am breathing him in with every kiss, every whisper, every smell of his sweet skin.  Loving him with my entire being.  And there is no way in the world to do this without, at the same time, thinking about Chase.  Sometimes these are happy thoughts, remembering his smell in the isolette, his soft skin, his feathery hair.  As I was taking this first picture, I was talking to Owen.  And when I talk to him, I'm usually right in his face, my mouth right next to his ear or at his cheek.  Talking, breathing, smelling him all at the same time.  And as I was leaning over the crib, bent down next to his face, I was taken back.  Back to those few days when Chase was the one I was bending over the crib talking to.  I remember talking to him just the same as I talk to Owen now, but he did not respond to me.  I begged, pleaded with him to fight for us because we wanted, needed him with us.  I remember leaning over to him talking to him thinking that I could actually fix him if he just heard my voice, felt my breath, smelled my skin.  That these things would wake him up and he would just all of a sudden open his eyes and look at me, smile at me, cry, something.  Anything.  All he needed was his momma, I thought.  I remembered this as I spoke to Owen and cried.  I asked Owen to tell his brother hi for me and to tell him to come visit me in my dreams soon.  The pain from missing Chase is just as strong now, maybe rekindled a little with Owen's arrival.  But mostly I am thankful.  Thankful to Chase that Owen is here.  And thankful to Owen that I can imagine some things more clearly now about Chase and think of things we missed out on and how wonderful they would have been.