a month

It's been a month. Already. Time keeps going and it seems so fast. I can't believe Chase would be a month old today. I feel like if he was here, in my arms (as he most likely would be 90% of the time) that I would be the happiest girl in the world. That in my present state if I just had him here, I would have no other worries, no other complaints, no sadness, NOTHING wrong in my life, it would be PERFECT. I've said it in my other posts, how I have a perfect family, I love them so much, perfect husband. But would my life be perfect. Really? Or would my life be normal and I would be complaining about SOMEthing, or something would be making me unhappy, or I'd be stressing out about SOMEthing?

It's this perspective I have right now. I feel like I HAD something so great coming to me. I had 3 healthy kids, 1 more healthy kid on the way, all the love in the world that I needed, a husband whom I loved and I knew loved me, maybe some financial problems to boot, but I was still *happy*. And going to be happier. But in 4 short days, it was taken away from me. My world was turned upside down. Things that used to stress me out or that I would complain about now seem pointless, mindless, I don't care. My family is all that matters and no longer will I worry about "things". I feel like I was so close to this level of happiness that seems so unattainable to me at this moment that I will never again take it for granted. My husband, my kids, our health, our family, those we love...that's all I need or ever want. But forevermore, I will be missing part of that equation, striving, searching, hoping for that happiness. We miss you little buddy. We all miss you so much.